Vidocq

So there is a lot of conflicting concepts and ideas going on with how this movie is both advertised as well as some of the core concepts of the movie. Most of the information I had gotten about Vidocq (for some reason, most US releases I have seen around have renamed it Dark Portals... I've seen it and still don't understand that) beforehand had been that it's a very good Steampunk movie, something I haven't really seen done well to date. Then I find out that Eugène François Vidocq was a real person and probable inspiration for the character of Sherlock Holmes. So I've already got a little bit of cognitive dissonance going into this movie and I haven't even seen frame one yet.

So the opening of this movie gives us Gérard Depardieu as the titular character stalking someone through a dark, crowded, fiery place leading to a quick fight with a Mirror Masked individual which ends with Vidocq's apparent death. End of movie I guess. But no, a young man claiming to be Vidocq's biographer arrives and begins investigating Vidocq's murder to avenge him and so we get to watch as the intrepid reporter tracks Vidocq's movements, followed by flashbacks to Vidocq's movements tracking down the nebulous and sinister Alchemist. And in a shocking twist that no one saw coming, at least you wouldn't have seen it coming if you weren't paying any attention whatsoever, Vidocq did not die in the fire hole he fell into at the beginning of the film and our intrepid reporter is, in fact, our nefarious villain. Oooooh. Big mirror fight and the villain is stabbed with a big glass shard, thrown out a window to fall some ridiculous height into the river below to die... or does he?

So this isn't quite as bad as it sounds. Sure the overall structure of the story is pretty standard and there's no real surprise to the ending whatsoever, but there are some interesting character tweaks and villainous foibles which are kind of interesting and stupid at the same time. Like the villains mask. Stylewise it's an absolute win, but then they go and make it a magic mirror mask that sucks people's souls in when they die and it gets a little ridiculous. And Gérard Depardieu. The character of Vidocq is actually kind of interesting and I don't think I've seen a grumpy, bitter Depardieu before and I think if they had made this more of a Depardieu centric movie it might have possibly been better for it. But then we see them try and film an action sequence with an easily 300+ lb. actor and his not so robust fight double and it's just a little silly.

But the one thing that annoyed me the most was the director Pitof. Pitof served as the visual effects supervisor for most of director Jean-Pierre Jeunet's best films (Delicatessen, City of Lost Children) and that comes through loud and clear with the way that this movie looks and feels. It viscerally dirty but at the same time you get these fantastic and otherworldly panorama shots and the two blend from one scene to the next so seamlessly that it's like your visual cortex is relaxing on ocean waves. And then we see the camera work and direction for any scene that requires tension or even a little bit of action and you are subjected to hyper-close-ups that are disorienting and impossible to follow sucking any drama that those scenes were supposed to instill. Overall, it's interesting but I'd love to see another director tackle the character.

Rating: C-

 

Jonah Hex

Is there something on my face?

So Jonah Hex was a character created by DC Comics in 1971 and was a horrifically scarred Civil War veteran turned bounty hunter. His foes and problems were not fantastic in any way other than that they were based in the past. Then comes the Crisis on Infinite Earths and Hex we were introduced to is erased only to be reimagined years later as a horrifically scarred bounty hunter in the Weird West with zombies and monsters and weird science ala Wild Wild West. And thankfully, the Weird West version of Jonah Hex is where the movie takes it's inspiration from.

Jonah Hex was a Confederate cavalry officer who betrayed his unit to the Union after their commander, one General Quentin Turnbull, planned an attack on civilians which led to the commanders son being killed during capture. Turnbull, who evaded capture, tracked Hex down after the war, burned his wife and son alive in front of Hex and melted half of his face leaving him for dead. Hex survives after being treated by a Native American shaman but he forever exists in a state between life and death, allowing him to communicate and interact with the dead. And now, Hex makes a living as a bounty hunter and is always on the look out for Turnbull and his gang. Lucky for us, Turnbull has plans to steal a doomsday device designed by Eli Whitney (yeah, the cotton gin guy) and plans to blow up Washington DC on July 4th, and it's up to our intrepid anti-hero Hex to save the day which he of course does.

I think he has Yggdrasil tattooed on his chin.

So this movie got hammered in theaters taking in less than $11 Million and with an estimated production cost of $47 Million, I doubt that we'll ever see a sequel to it. That being said, it actually had a lot going for it in two of it's actors, Josh Brolin as Hex and Michael Fassbender as the devilish henchman Burke. Brolin delivers a performance that's equal parts Man With No Name and Roger Murtagh, Hex feels like a character who is weary of the world and just wants to finally lie down and rest but is driven forward by honor or vengeance... I don't think anyone can really be sure why he continues on only that he will. And Fassbender's Burke is just a nonchallant monster, equally likely to give you a light for your smoke as he would be to cut your throat. It's really a shame that most of the interractions between these two characters are in action scenes because I would love to see some real acting between them.

She's dressed like this
the ENTIRE film!

And now for the downside. John Malkovich and Megan Fox are just completely awful in this movie. Actually, strike that. Megan Fox is completely awful in this. Malkovich is just Malkovich, and there are few actors I want to watch play themselves over and over and over again. But Holy Hell, Megan Fox's character Lilah is not only badly written and costumed, but there is no attempt on Megan Fox's part to act at all. Her delivered dialogue sounds like is was done on a sound stage after filming had wrapped. I'd like to think that id her character had been cut out of the film entirely, the movie might have done better. One can hope. Maybe when they reboot the film in 2019.

Even with all of the negatives, there is still some good story and very good acting going on in this film. Just block out the bad bits, like that trip you took to Tijuana.

Rating: B-